


Whole

by cool_nick_miller



Category: New Girl
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mars Landing, New Girl - Freeform, Nick Miller - Freeform, Reunion, Smut, hug, jessica day - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cool_nick_miller/pseuds/cool_nick_miller
Summary: A two part fic inspired by a request from Newgirlystuff. Set post Mars Landing break up, where the hug never ends. It’s very angsty but finishes on a happy note and Part Two will be a very fluffy number, I promise!





	1. Chapter 1

  
***A/N - A fic request from Newgirlystuff set right after the Mars Landing hug. This was painful to write but I’m actually really happy with how it turned out. Part Two is coming up very shortly and will be full of fluff and happiness, so you can go ahead and read without too much worry lol***  
  
WHOLE:  
  
_“I miss my friend.”_  
 _“I really miss my friend too.”_  
 _“So what does that mean? Are we...?”_  
 _“Yeah...”_  
  
So that’s it. They’re broken up. In the blink of an eye, everything has changed.  
Nick has walked her out and Jess gives him the double finger guns like an idiot then steps through the door of her old room, but the sadness rises up from the pit of her stomach like a tidal wave, and slaps her in the face. Reeling from the shock, she finds herself rushing back outside. Her fingers are reaching for him and pulling Nick in to one last hug. Her arms close tight around his neck and his hands gently come up across her back as their bodies press together.   
It feels so final, and neither one of them seems to want the moment to end. Jess knows she should let go, but she can’t bring herself to loosen her grip. Can’t bear to open her eyes and watch him walk away from her.

  
From _them_.

  
So she clings on tight and holds her breath, another tiny sob escaping her lips and finding itself muffled by the material of Nick’s t-shirt. The way he’s rocking her gently from side to side makes the hurt swell in her chest. He’s trying to soothe her, even though he’s hurting like hell himself, and it makes more hot tears spill over because Jess isn’t even capable of trying to stop them anymore.  
His big hand spans her back and she can feel the warmth of his palm spread through the material of her pyjamas. A million thoughts are racing through her mind, but one in particular practically screams at her from inside her brain...

  
_I don’t want this_

  
She knows that _he’s_ all she wants and, just like that, she’s struggling to remember why they got on to the insane subject of breaking up in the first place. This isn’t what should be happening. Not with them, they were _Nick and Jess_. Sure, they don’t always see life the same way - but what couple does?

  
She starts to panic that this is a terrible mistake. Jess can’t help but think back to the time when she was seven and had decided to freewheel on her bike down the big hill at the end of their street. She hadn’t thought about what would happen after pushing off at the top. But once she did, the speed of the wheels kept increasing, her stomach had dropped and Jess realised she had absolutely no control over the bike at all. The road beneath her had become a blur, the wind in her face was disorienting, and she couldn’t do anything about it other than close her eyes and hope for it to end while her heart raced inside her chest.   
That was the day she ended up with stitches for the first time, just above her hairline. A tiny scar to forever remind her to think before she leapt.

  
That’s when Nick grips her slightly closer and she hears his voice land near her ear, words laced with pain.

  
“I can’t let you go.” He croaks.

  
“So don’t...” Jess finds herself saying, even though she knows that he doesn’t mean it the way she wants him to.

  
She pulls her head back just slightly, looking up at him with her blotchy, tear-stained face, and honestly? Nick thinks he couldn’t possibly love her more if he tried. But the way she’s staring at him has ‘messy break-up’ written all over it, and that’s not what he wants for them.   
He can’t be what she needs right now.

She’d said it herself: _“...if I was always honest with you, we’d **never** stop fighting!”_

  
His insides coil up at the memory of her words. Had he made her _that_ unhappy that she had taken to just lying to him because it was easier than speaking the truth? What kind of relationship was that?

  
Maybe loving her just isn’t enough. That thought alone breaks his heart, because loving her was all he knew how to do.

  
“Jess...” he hisses her name in some kind of pained whisper, and he knows they are teetering on the edge of a bad idea.

  
Her eyes search his for answers to a question she hasn’t even asked. Nick’s words fail him and he simply gives a tiny shake of his head.

  
_We can’t go back_

  
He thinks he can actually see the very moment where her heart drops to the floor and shatters in a thousand tiny pieces at their feet. The gleam of fresh tears well at the brim of her eyes. It hurts him more than he realised was possible to know he is the source of her pain. Every fibre of his body was experiencing a feeling he could only assume was akin to withdrawal symptoms. Jess was his drug, and now he had to go cold turkey. 

  
Yet she was standing right there. Within reaching distance.

  
Looking up at him.   
Holding out hope.  
Pleading.

  
_Don’t let this be over_

  
He brings her in close to him again, dipping his chin to land a kiss among her hair, because he feels like his universe has just imploded in front of him and he genuinely doesn’t know what the _fuck_ else to do, but Jess tilts her head up purposely to meet his lips.

  
Nick isn’t quite sure how he should react, but then he hears her whimper slightly at the feel of his mouth on hers, and before he knows it, he’s kissing her back like it’s the only thing that can keep him alive. It’s messy and desperate, and her hands are bunching in the material of the shirt around his neck. They kiss until everything fades into the background, until their hearts are pounding out of their chests, until their lungs are begging for air and they have absolutely no other choice but to finally break away.

  
Nick looks at her face with just a couple of inches distance between them: her lips are red and plump, still parted and glistening with the taste of him. Her cheeks are flushed with adrenaline, making her skin glow in the dim light of the empty hallway. Her hair is tousled and messy where his hands had been tangled among it just seconds ago - but when his gaze lands on her shimmering blue eyes?

  
That’s what makes his heart stop still. 

  
They’ve always been his favourite thing about her - he could read them like a book and she’s never quite known how he did it.

  
But that’s why it kills him.

  
Because he sees everything he’s feeling inside of himself reflected in her eyes as they look back at him. She’s breaking apart just like he is, and the realisation of what’s happening hits them like a sledgehammer. They’re not ready for this.

  
It’s the worst pain they’ve ever felt.  
It’s raw, and it **hurts**.  
It’s grief.   
Anger.   
Regret.   
But above all else - it’s love.  
Overwhelming, soul consuming, all encompassing _love_.

  
All rational thought deserts them as their bodies collide. They mould together the same as always and his mouth is all over hers with a renewed sense of urgency that strikes fire through their veins. Jess gasps as she’s lifted off her feet and Nick carries her back into his room without a single word spoken between them.  
There’s a loud bang as he lands them both against the inside of his door and presses himself into her, practically stealing her breath with his mouth. Nick’s hands cup her face and he’s pulling back to kiss her slower, his fingers shaking as he touches her skin and lands his lips to hers again. It’s tender, soft, and gentle - it’s altogether too much yet not enough.

  
A single tear betrays Jess and cascades down the curve of her cheekbone, landing on Nick’s thumb where he protectively swipes it away and starts to kiss her harder, as if instinctively knowing it’s what she needs.

  
Jess still has her arms locked behind his neck and allows herself to run her fingers through the downy hair at the base of his skull, her hands then tracing a path down his chest before finding their way up the back of his t-shirt, gripping his broad shoulder blades and pulling him as close to her as physically possible. She needs to sense his weight on her in as many places as she can. Needs to feel his heart pounding against her chest, matching hers beat for beat - some proof that this moment is real and she hasn’t lost her mind.

  
Nick’s hands fumble with the buttons of her pyjama top, giving up half way through and easing his fingers in to the gap to caress the soft skin of her right breast. She whines as his thumb grazes her nipple and he feels her reach for his erection as he lands his open mouth on her neck. He’s so hard it almost hurts as she slips a hand past the waistband of his sweatpants and he can’t stop the grunt that comes out when she wraps her fingers around his shaft and strokes him quickly. Jess has pushed his pants down over his butt to free him, and Nick tugs at her pyjama bottoms with equal urgency. Pulling one of her thighs up to his waist, Nick pauses at her entrance. He can feel her rib cage rising and falling against him and he has to ignore the knot in his chest when he chances a glance at Jess’s tear stained face. He kisses her again, pushing away the voice of reason at the back of his mind when she opens her mouth to greet him, clearly doing the same as she searches for his tongue with her own. His erection is pressing against her and Jess can’t fight it any more, she wants him _now_.

She squeezes her leg around him and he pushes himself into her, moaning into her open mouth at the slickness that greets him. They’ve done this dance a thousand times, but somehow now it seems different. It’s like he’s experiencing it for the first time all over again, and suddenly Nick feels like a firework has exploded in his chest. His mouth is everywhere, as if he’s ravenous to taste her. Jess whimpers beneath him and holds on tight, her grip never wavering.

  
It’s hard, and fast, and frantic. The fingers on his right hand are holding her hip in place so firmly he’s sure he’s going to mark her, but he simply can’t stop. By the way Jess is bucking her pelvis against him and digging her nails into his shoulders, Nick knows she is just as lost in this moment as he is.

A sound that’s mid-way between a moan and a sob escapes from Jess and falls on to the skin of his collarbone where she’s burying her face and breathing in the scent of him every time she gasps for air, because she’s terrified she’ll never get the chance again.  
The pulsing in her groin increases with every deep thrust, and the familiar waves of climax begin to ripple through her body, so intense that it shoots pins and needles down her limbs as she yelps against the crook of his neck. Nick follows her instantly, the spasming of her muscles dragging him into release. He lets out a noise into her hair. A primitive, strangled groan like a wild animal that’s just been shot, and it sounds foreign in his ears as he comes inside her with a force that takes his breath away.

  
His weight pins her to the door as they pant heavily, adjusting their clothes and trying to catch their breath in the aftermath, holding each other tight, neither one willing or able to let go. Clinging on like the other is their crutch and everything will just fall apart the moment their embrace finishes.

  
_Is this really the end?_

  
Jess can’t hold back the fresh wave of tears that rise up from the pit of her stomach and they fall helplessly on to his t-shirt.   
Nick embraces her as she cries, and they both slide defeatedly down against the door to his bedroom floor. They sit there in a crumpled heap of shared pain and anguish.

  
Wiping his face on the shoulder of his shirt, Nick pulls away from her and lets his head fall back heavily on the the door.

  
“I can’t do this, Jess. Not with you...”  
He sees her swallow hard at his words “...we need a clean break, or this is just going to be too hard.”

  
“Maybe we don’t need a break at all...” Jess’s voice is desperate and shaky.

  
“What?”

  
“This doesn’t have to be over, Nick.”

  
He pauses and drags his hands slowly down his face, the pained expression clear as he grits out his response.

  
“No...”

  
“ _No?_ ”

  
“It’s not what you need, Jess. I’m only going to disappoint you.”

  
“What are you _talking_ about?!” Her voice jumps up an octave with frustration and she’s got a face like thunder.

  
“I don’t want you looking back at this in five years time and regretting it.” His voice is low and sad as he turns his head to look away at the ground.

  
“So you think you get to make my decisions for me now? Screw you, Nick! You’re being a coward!”

  
“I’m not being a coward, Jessica - I’m trying to protect you!”

  
“No - you’re just afraid!”

  
“Of course I’m afraid - I’m fucking _terrified!_ You think I **want** to lose you?” His head snaps back round and she can see the tears he is fighting to hold back.

  
“Why would you lose me? I _love_ you.”

  
“I love you too, but what if that’s just not enough? My Mom loved my Dad and I’m certain he loved her back, but he broke her heart more times than I can count...”

His voice cracks as he remembers the image of his mum sat at the dining table sobbing her heart out when Walt had yet again failed to come home. Bonnie would wait until she thought Nick and Jamie were asleep and cry until her tears ran dry, unaware that Nick would be sat listening from the top of the stairs, his head resting on the bannisters, with that familiar hollow feeling spreading from his gut, making his limbs feel heavy with sadness and hating the fact that he couldn’t make it better for her. 

  
“I can’t be the reason for your tears, Jess. I refuse to do that.” Nick swipes the back of his hand angrily across his damp eyes “You need someone who knows where he’s going and has his future planned out, someone reliable - and we both know that’s not me. Eventually you’re going to wake up and realise I’m not the guy you should be with.”

  
Jess has spun sideways on the floor so she’s facing him. Her cheeks are crimson with anger and her voice is loud in his ears.

  
“Stop it, Nick! I can’t listen to you keep tearing yourself down. I don’t care about that stuff!”

  
“You _do_! You said it yourself, Jessica. We can’t just pretend that conversation tonight never happened.”

  
“Maybe not, but I think we owe it to ourselves to keep talking about it. Don’t you? Why are you okay with giving up on us so easily?”

  
“How can you even _think_ that I’m okay with this?! I’m not okay, Jess! I’m fucking **broken**.”

  
Nick’s emotional outburst silences her, and she slumps back against the door with her shoulder resting on his. The only sounds in the room for a long while are his heavy breathing, and the little sniffles coming from Jess.

  
She realises this is about more than them. This is about everything Nick fears he will become. The only example he had of a husband/father figure growing up was the shitty one his Dad had set. Jess knows she can be a bit of a control freak, that her obsession with organisation can be suffocating, and suddenly she sees how every single time she had pushed Nick to change something in what _she_ thought was an effort to help him, it was actually received by _him_ as yet another example of how he wasn’t good enough as he was.

  
Jess reaches her hand across and lays it on top of his, seeing his eyes close at the contact.

  
“Nick...” she speaks gently “...I don’t need a guy with a ten year plan. I’m not looking for someone who has every last detail mapped out. I just needed to know if we were on the same page. I wanted to hear you say we were headed in the same direction.”

  
He turns his hand under hers so their palms are laying flat together, his thumb now tracing lines on her skin. She hears him take a deep breath and clear his throat as he leans forward, turning to look her right in the eyes, still holding her hand in his.

  
“Look, i’ve never been the kinda guy who likes to think too far ahead. And I know that seems strange to you, like I’m lazy and I don’t have a plan - but it’s not like that. It’s because if I start allowing myself to think about how I want things to turn out, I get my heart set on it...and, from what I learned so far in my life, it just doesn’t happen. Then I end up feeling like I’ve been cut off at the knees when things come crashing down around me. I just figured it out the hard way with my Dad, you know?”

  
“You’re not your Dad.”

  
“I’m scared I might be more like him than you realise...”

  
“And that’s okay. It’s _okay_ to be scared, Nick. But you can’t be afraid of looking to the future forever because of how _he_ was.”

  
Her hand reaches up to stroke his face and Nick smiles, almost shyly.

  
“I promise you, the only thing I know for sure about my future - is that I want it to be with you, Jess. Actually, screw that. I _need_ it to be with you. More than I’ve ever needed anything.”

  
He leans his forehead against hers and kisses her ever so gently on the tip of her nose before leaning back on his heels.

  
“So we agree - we keep talking and we work this out, right? Because I love you, Nicholas. More than I’ve ever loved anybody.”

  
“I love you, too. I want to make it right. You think we can do this?”

Jess lays her head on his shoulder and lets his arms embrace her again, surrounding her with his warmth as they sit on his floor. Her lips press softly against the spot below his ear and she whispers with a smile

“There’s no guarantee that it will be easy, but I think we’re worth it...”  
  
...  
...  
  
PART TWO TO FOLLOW.....  



	2. Whole...Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two...  
> Nine Months Later...a full on fluff fest :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me longer than planned to update, it turned out twice as long as I had planned. After the angst and pain of Part One I needed to write something incredibly fluffy. I make no apologies!  
> I hope you like it....

.....

NINE MONTHS LATER...

Nick grunts as he turns the screwdriver, curling his lip in disgust at the crumpled up instructions he had thrown to the floor in frustration a moment ago.  
“Stupid damn screw, I know you go in here you little son of a bitch - it says so in the illustrations!” He huffs under his breath, quickly plastering a forced smile on his face as he hears Jess approach.

  
“Nick? Have you seen my blue flats?”

  
“Not since yesterday...”

  
“Dammit! They’re the only shoes that are comfortable right now. These stupid clown feet of mine are not capable of being squeezed into anything else!”

  
Jess stomps into the room, hands on her hips as she scans the floor for her elusive footwear “As if it isn’t bad enough I have to wear this tent dress to the party this afternoon, now I can’t find my shoes?! This is the worst day ever! I’m all round and inflated like a balloon...I feel bloated like a...like a _whale!_ ” she was whining in dismay, puffing her cheeks out and lowering herself gingerly to the rocking chair in the corner of the room.

  
“Honey, will you stop?” He turns to look over his shoulder at her, still on his knees among the various pieces of wood that were meant to make this darn crib he was wrestling with “You’re _glowing!_ ”

  
“That’s called perspiration, Nick...” Jess wipes her wrist across her brow and snaps sarcastically for the umpteenth time today “...I can’t go to my own baby shower looking like an overheated walrus!”  
“I’ve never understood the term ‘baby shower’.” He puts the screwdriver down and turns to face Jess with his nose all crinkled in confusion “You can’t give a baby a shower when it hasn’t even been born.”  
“Please tell me you’re joking right now?” She laughs and wraps an arm around her tummy as her bump jiggles with mirth, while Nick just turtles his face at her.   
“It’s not a literal thing, Nicholas.”  
“It’s not?”  
“No! Oh my god...you thought people were invited to wash the baby?!”  
“Why not just call it a ‘baby party’? ‘Shower’ is confusing!”  
“It’s because the guests ‘shower’ the mother to be with love and gifts! Dear lord! Did you think a ‘yard sale’ was just someone selling off their garden? That ‘raining cats and dogs’ meant pets were falling from the sky?!”

  
He narrows his eyes at her but thinks better of making a smart ass comment, given her current highly hormonal state and unpredictable moods. He’s been treading on egg shells recently, and the last thing he wants to do is upset her on today of all days. She’s being looking forward to the baby shower for weeks and he really wants her to enjoy it.  
“Of course not...” he says overly sweetly “...it just sounds funny, you know?”  
Jess groans and brings her hands to her face, shoulders slumping forward slightly.  
“Sorry, Nick. I’m being a bitch again aren’t I?”  
“I don’t know how to answer that without getting myself in trouble.” He laughs, rising to his feet and brushing off the knees of his jeans before walking towards her.  
“I don’t mean to be so awful, I swear. I’m just so freaking uncomfortable right now. Everything hurts and I feel like a giant blob!”  
He takes Jess’s hands in his and helps her to stand, wrapping an arm around her waist and letting it settle on the small of her back.   
“But you’re my giant blob - and I love you regardless. I can take a few bad moods considering you’re growing our child.” He shrugs.

  
“I don’t deserve you...” she smiles up at him “...I just wish there was a way to tell this little baby I’m ready for them to come out now. Like, whenever they want - after tonight - it’s fine by me!”  
“Well I did hear there was one sure fire way to encourage that.” Nick quirks a brow at her, stepping closer and negotiating her now very prominent bump. He shifts himself slightly to one side and leans in to kiss her slow and deep. His lips linger on hers and he can hear Jess sucking in a deep breath as he finally releases her mouth. She looks a little dazed, wearing a love drunk expression which causes Nick to grin back in return.

  
The look on Jess’s face suddenly changes to one of surprise and she takes a step away from him.  
“Oh, god...”  
“What’s wrong? Wait...is that...?”  
“Yeah...uh, that’s my waters. My waters just broke, Nick...”  
“Holy shit!”  
“Yeah...” she swallows hard and gives a nervous little laugh, but stops when she sees the frown that has taken up residence on Nick’s face “...what is it?”  
He gazes down at their feet, his socks now slightly damp, before looking back up at her and giving a little shrug.  
“It’s just...I mean...I was kinda expecting more of a...y’know...” making a loud ‘whooshing’ noise, he adds some dramatic downward arm movements for extra effect.  
“Nick!”   
“I had no idea my kiss was so powerful it could break your waters...” he ponders, earning a slap on the chest from Jess.

Nick smiles down at her earnestly, still not quite able to believe he was lucky enough to say that she was his better half.

  
Jess leans her forehead closer to him and places her lips tenderly to his one more time, conscious it might be the last time she does so while it’s just the two of them. After this, they would be a family. Parents responsible for a tiny life. Anyone who knew her would know that this wasn’t the way Jess had planned to get pregnant, but if she’s learned anything from that night in the hallway all those months ago, it was that sometimes letting life take its own path and just being there for the ride was how the moments that were meant to happen, happened.

  
Letting out a deep groan against his lips, Jess quickly begins to pull away - hands instinctively holding her bump.  
“Are you okay?” He asks  
“I think I’m having my first contraction!”  
Jess whispers, her eyes wide.  
“Wow, I’m that good?” Nick tries to joke, but falls silent upon seeing the pain distorting her features “So what does this mean? Do we need to go to the hospital now?” His voice is slightly more high pitched than he means it to be, but the reality of the situation was starting to set in.  
“I think that’s probably a good idea...” Jess replies breathlessly, trying to  
regain her composure and waiting for the pain to start subsiding “...but, wait! What about your high stakes Lego?” She grunts through gritted teeth and points under his arm to the half built crib as he tries to usher her out of the bedroom door.  
“Forget about that, I’ll text Schmidt and ask him to finish building it when he gets home. He’ll love it - that can be his first official duty as Godfather!”

  
Nick guides Jess towards the loft entrance, a protective arm around her middle as she leans into him for comfort. They reach the door and look to the floor in unison, seeing the hospital bags that have been packed and ready for days eagerly waiting for them. Jess takes a shaky breath and reaches for Nick’s hand. He looks down at her and fixes a smile on his face, swallowing the lump of nervousness sitting in his throat. She needs him to be strong for her right now, and he was damned if he was going to let her down.

  
“You’re okay, Jess. I’m right here.”  
“I’m suddenly feeling completely unprepared for this, Nick.”  
“I know...”  
“I don’t think I can do it...”  
“Honey, I hate to break this to ya, but you kinda don’t have much choice...”

  
Jess closes her eyes and takes a few deep gulps of air, nodding gratefully as Nick smoothes some stray bangs from her forehead before running a finger down her cheek, letting it come to rest under her chin where he gently tilts it upwards.  
“Jessica, look at me...you’re gonna be fine. Better than fine - you’re gonna be great, I promise. I’m not leaving your side the whole time, okay?”  
“Okay...” she whispers.  
“You and me - we’re doing this whole giving birth thing together, alright?”

  
Jess narrows her eyes at him and cocks her head to the side. Nick holds his hands in front of him apologetically and wrinkles his nose “Figuratively speaking, of course...I know the actual giving birth part is all you...the point is, you’ve got this. I believe in you. So, what do ya say? Shall we go have a baby?” His voice catches as he speaks the last sentence and even though she thinks it’s fucking adorable, Jess pretends not to notice as she doesn’t want to ruin his motivational speech.  
“Yeah, let’s go have a baby...” She manages to smile despite her nerves, letting him lead her to the elevator and out to his car, stopping briefly as she reached the passenger door to breathe her way through the second contraction as it hits.

...

“You’re amazing. _She’s_ amazing...you’re both amazing.” Nick is looking over from his side of the bed, head propped up on his hand, the awe seeping from every pore of his body as he watches Jess nurse their week old daughter. He knows he sounds like a gushing, repetitive fool but he doesn’t care. Never in his life did he realise the depth of love he could feel for another human until his own child was born. Until he watched the person who holds his heart firmly with both hands give birth (like a fucking **super hero** ) to this bundle of perfection. It’s midnight and they’re both exhausted from the minimal sleep, but Nick can’t stop the grin on his face that spans from ear to ear.

  
“You’re delirious from the tiredness.” Jess smiles softly at him, adjusting her position on the mountain of pillows propped up behind her.   
“Just tellin’ it like it is, Day.” He shrugs and moves to lie on his back, hands clasped behind his head. The only sounds in the room are his slow breathing, and the little suckling noises baby Judith was making.

The rest of the loft was unusually quiet. Schmidt and Winston had offered to give them a few days alone. Nick wasn’t entirely sure it was the caring, selfless act they had made it out to be - the newborn crying had been relentless some nights, and no matter how many times they waved it off the following morning, he could tell they were silently glad to vacate the loft in exchange for some decent sleep. Nick and Jess knew they couldn’t stay here forever. It wasn’t fair to impose a baby on the others, but moving out was something that was going to take a little time, so for now they were just rolling with the punches. His eyes are feeling heavy again and he lets them fall closed for a moment. Just as he feels himself sinking into the mattress, Judith whimpers loudly and his eyes shoot open again.

  
“Nick, would you mind passing me the burp cloth?” Jess points towards the foot of the bed.  
“Mmmhmm...I’m on it...” he mumbles and pats a hand drowsily across the comforter until he can reach it. Forcing himself to sit up, Nick passes the square of material to Jess and digs the heels of his hands against his eyes to remove the heavy feeling that’s trying to settle there.  
“Do you want me to go finish this in the other room?” Jess asks, an apologetic look on her face.  
“What? No, no...I’m good. See?” Nick gives his best ‘Wide Awake’ grin and shuffles closer, an arm laying across Jess’s thighs.  
“How did we make something so adorable?” She muses.  
“Have you looked in the mirror?” He laughs “This kid lucked out in the genes department!”  
“She’s perfect...I can’t stop staring at her.”  
“Well now you know how I feel when I’m around you!” He smirks and she rolls her eyes “But yeah, you’re right. We created a good one. I can tell. Look at her...I love how soft her head is, and how chubby her little cheeks are - I just wanna squish ‘em! And I love how her tiny hands ball up into little fists just like mine...” Nick smiles as he reaches down to Judith’s pink skin poking out from the Bears onesie that Schmidt just could not wait to gift to them “...and I love her skinny little chicken legs...”  
“Nick!” Jess laughs “She’ll fatten up eventually.”  
“And these teeny little baby feet? God, I could just eat ‘em up!” He leans down to peck the smallest of kisses on the sole of each foot. Grinning at Jess like an idiot, Nick cranes his head up to her face and kisses her square on the mouth. A kiss so loaded with love that when he finally pulls away, Jess can see his eyes are nearly black, pupils dilated as if he was drunk, and it’s the cutest damn thing in the world.

  
Nick had admitted several times in previous months that the thought of becoming a Dad had scared him, that the weight of the impending responsibility sometimes gave him an anxiety attack in the middle of the supermarket if he thought about it too much - but Jess knew he would be a natural having seen him with his younger cousins when they visited Chicago. And he’s done nothing but prove her right so far.

  
Stifling another yawn, she gently pats their daughter on the back, trying to get her to bring up some wind, much to Judith’s disgust as she unleashes the power of her lungs and begins to cry. Jess drops her head back against the pillows with a heavy sigh and prepares herself for trying the calm their newborn down enough to get her back to sleep. She vaguely senses Nick’s weight leave the bed and assumes he’s headed to the bathroom, but is surprised to find him standing at her side just seconds later.

  
“Here, let me take her.” He reaches his arms out.  
“It’s fine, you don’t have to.”   
“I want to...” Nick insists over the cacophony of screaming and lifts Judith into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder and cradling her bottom on his forearm “...try and get some rest, Jessica. You’re still recovering.” His left hand reaches for hers, squeezing gently as his thumb traces over the engagement ring she wears so proudly.  
“I promise I’ll take the early shift tomorrow, let you sleep in.”  
“That’d be great, but I picked up a shift at the bar to cover Big Bob so no can do.”  
“You’re working again?! Nick, you’re exhausted from all the extra shifts.”  
“I’m fine, Jess. I’ll be home by the afternoon. I need all the extra shifts they’re offering - that house by the lake isn’t going to buy itself, you know...” he winks at her and Jess feels her cheeks tinging pink in colour “...now go to sleep. I mean it.”  
“Thank you.” She smiles, nestling her weary head down onto the bed and falling asleep even before he’s closed the door behind himself.

  
Judith’s cries intensify as Nick walks them into the kitchen, jiggling her up and down softly while making ‘shhh...’ noises like he’d seen Jess doing.

  
It wasn’t working.

  
Frowning, he pours himself a cup of coffee expertly with one hand and sips it eagerly as he surveys the loft in its dark and quiet state.   
“You know, Judy, I don’t think you’ve yet had the pleasure of one of my official loft tours.”  
Judith ignores him and continues to wail, her little cheeks rippling with the effort. Nick takes another big gulp from his cup and carries on regardless.  
“Well buckle up girl, let’s go. Please keep all arms and legs clear of the doors, and remain seated at all times.” He chuckles to himself as he rounds the kitchen island and opens the door to Schmidt’s room.  
“Now, despite the fastidiously clean nature of this bedroom and the numerous throw pillows, I can assure you this is not where a lady resides and it is, in fact, your Uncle Schmidt’s room...if you look to your right, you will find a veritable array of ridiculously expensive suits and ties...to your left you will see the framed picture of himself he likes to keep close by. I kid you not. But that’s pretty much all I can tell you about in here, the less you know about what else has happened within these four walls the better!”

  
Judith’s crying continues, but at a noticeably lower volume, so Nick decides this could actually work. He walks her round the entire loft, stopping briefly to explain the important things - like the rules of True American - and introduces her to Furguson whilst showing her Winston’s room. By now the crying has dwindled to grumbles and squeaks, but still Judith remains awake no matter how much bobbing and swaying or ‘tiger in the tree’ holds that Nick tries. He feels a little deflated - Jess seems to be so good at settling Judith, it comes second nature to her. But he was nothing if not perseverant, so back down the hall it was to explain how the nursery actually used to belong to Daddy.

When he reaches the spot in the hallway situated between his old room and his new room with Jess, something amazing happens.

  
Judith instantly falls silent and stops crying.

  
Nick tentatively looks down, trying not to jinx this unexpected moment of peace. Her big eyes gaze back up at him and she gurgles, trying to find her mouth with her bunched up little fist.

  
“Oh, you like this spot huh?” He whispers “Well, you have impeccable taste kiddo. This spot is my favourite in the loft too...the most important moments of my life happened here.”  
She tries to lift her wobbly head towards his low voice, but it flops back against his chest and she does the cutest yawn Nick thinks he has ever witnessed.  
“I’d sing ya a lullaby, but that’s more your mom’s domain...” he sighs, but then remembers the way his mum used to hum Elvis songs whilst she babysat his little cousins. Humming was definitely something he could do. But Elvis wasn’t really his jam. Stroking his hand up and down Judith’s bare legs, his eyes light up as they land on her onesie.

  
_Of course_.

  
Snuggling her tight to his chest and rocking her gently side to side, Nick begins to hum the entirety of ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game’ loud and proud with a smile playing on his lips.  
And it works.  
Her eyes flutter closed and her mouth falls open as she’s pulled into a deep slumber by the vibrations of Nick’s humming.

He once heard someone say that babies were one of life’s great time wasters. Nick had never really understood what was meant by that until this moment. It had always sounded like something negative, but he knew now that was not the case. He’s been stood watching Judith’s little face for the longest time as she sleeps, seeing her lips twitching up into dream induced smiles that made his stomach flip with a love so pure he wished he could somehow bottle it to relive over and over. He was mesmerised by the sweet, milky smell of her breath, and the little dimples at the places where her fingers met her hands, and the unmistakably amazing aroma coming from the soft spot on the top of her head. Captivated by the way her little body fits so snugly in the crook of his elbow, Nick becomes aware of the fact he’s been staring at her for the best part of an hour and just how quickly that time has passed.  
“Huh...” He marvels to himself and strokes a thumb along her tiny back “...well, you sure are the _best_ waste of my time I could imagine.”

  
He continues to sway gently from side to side as he steps back towards their room, resting his lips on her fuzzy head and placing the smallest of kisses there.  
“Hey Judy...lets get you to bed, doll.”

...

A LITTLE OVER A YEAR LATER STILL...

Jess leans back against the huge oak doors at the top of the steps leading down to the vast gardens of the manor house. The sun is beaming, the colourful flowers are beginning to bloom, and the smell of fresh cut grass fills the air. She takes a deep breath and a slow smile spreads across her face as she watches Winston lift Judith onto his shoulders to chase Schmidt and Nick around the rose garden. Judith’s giggle echos around them and fills Jess’s ears, her heart swelling in her chest.   
“Hey...” Cece arrives and leans next to her, following the direction of Jess’s gaze and chuckling “It’s like a modern day remake of Three Men and a Baby! Those clowns are just the cutest, aren’t they?”  
“They really are...” Jess says in a shaky voice, the emotion bubbling up from deep inside, tears gathering in her eyes.  
“You okay, honey?” Cece asks softly and slides an arm across her shoulders, squeezing gently.  
“I’m on top of the world, Ceec.”  
“So, these tears are a good thing, right?”  
“Absolutely!” Jess laugh-sobs and wipes the back of her hand under her eyes “I just can’t stop thinking about how close I came to never having this at all, which is stupid I know...”  
“It’s not stupid. It’s totally natural...but you DO have this, Jess. It’s real and it’s yours. There comes a point where you need to stop dwelling on the what-ifs and the almost-hads so that you can embrace the here and now.”  
“You’re right. You’re totally right...”  
“Yeah, I mean - look how close I came to nearly giving up on me and Schmidt entirely. I nearly married another man...I almost scaled a damn mountain!”  
Jess’s face scrunches up and they both dissolve into loud fits of giggles, drawing looks of consternation from a few elderly walkers passing by, causing them to clamp their hands over their mouths and take deep breathes to try and stifle the laughter.  
“So, what’s your verdict on this place?”   
“This is the one, Cece. This is it.” Jess gushes as Cece bundles her in to a massive bear hug and holds on tight.

Their moment is interrupted by the not-so-subtle call of Schmidt from the edge of the gardens below with Judith wriggling like crazy in his arms, reaching her tiny arms out for Nick as she squirmed.

  
“Dearest Cecelia, my brown angel, the jewel in my crown, the light of my world...come and join us, won’t you?”

  
“That’s my cue, I guess!” Rolling her eyes as she steps back from Jess, Cece turns to look towards him just in time to see Nick give Schmidt a playful slap on the back of his head, removing his daughter and lifting her high into the air, pretending she’s an aeroplane and making her little mop of dark curls dangle in front of her eyes.

He laughs just as much as Judith does, a genuine belly laugh that makes his face crease and his eyes light up. He throws her in the air and catches her a few times before finally placing her down on the grass beside him. Nick offers a wobbly Judith his finger - which she eagerly grabs for, gripping tightly with her chubby little hand to prop herself up.  
Jess is beaming while watching Nick walk slowly towards her, his pale blue shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and their little girl toddling beside him on her unsteady legs with her white sundress fluttering in the breeze.

If it was possible for your heart to explode with love, Jess was pretty sure this would be the very moment that would have put her six feet under. Nick reaches the steps and scoops Judith back up into his arms to climb them, Jess nods in his direction and sucks in her lips as her stomach does a somersault.  
“Hey you...”  
“Hey yourself...” Nick leans down to kiss her gently on the temple, grimacing in apology when Judith makes a grab for a fistful of Jess’s loose hair.  
“Ma-ma!” She giggles proudly.  
“Hello my little Jujubee.” Jess coos, slowly disentangling her locks from the toddlers vice like grip.   
“This place is great, huh?” He shifts Judith higher on his arm.  
“It’s perfect...” Jess replies dreamily.  
“Then I think we’ve just found our wedding venue.” He grins “Look at all the room there is outside for Judy to run around in her little flower girl costume.”  
“Outfit.” Jess corrects.  
“What?”  
“It’s not a _costume_ , Nick...it’s an outfit. It’s a wedding, not a play!” She laughs as he rolls his eyes dramatically and tugs her closer to him.  
“Oh, would you come here already?” He kisses her hard on the lips and comes away with a pop.  
“The thing is...” Jess places a hand on his chest and smoothes it down his shirt “...I was just speaking to the wedding co-ordinator here, and she said the waiting list is usually about three years long.”   
“Yikes!”  
“I know...”  
Nick sighs and gives a sad smile, reaching for her hand and taking it in his, bringing it to his lips so he can kiss the engagement ring on her finger as it catches the sun.  
“That’s too bad, this place is awesome. But hey, you know what? We’ll keep looking until we find somewhere equally as great, okay?”  
“Well...we _might_ not have to...”  
Nick cocks his head and quirks a brow, intrigued.  
“Go on...”  
“Okay, so she did say that there was one spot available earlier, due to a cancellation - but it’s only three months away...”

  
Jess chews on her bottom lip and looks up at Nick, pleasantly surprised by the massive grin he’s wearing. His dark eyes are bright and shining, and he’s looking at her like they’ve just won the lottery.

  
“Book it.” He says, with absolute certainty.  
“Yeah?” Jess whispers, hardly able to contain her excitement as she bounces on her heels and winds an arm around his waist, her free hand stroking across Judith’s rosy cheek.  
“Sure, let’s do this thing so I can put another baby in ya!” Nick smirks, laughing at her mock frown as Jess reaches forward to quickly cover Judith’s ears with her hands.  
“Nicholas!”  
“What? Don’t say you haven’t thought about giving this little monster a brother or sister...or both...”  
“... _or both?_ ”  
“Yeah, why not? Let’s have a whole bunch of mini-Millers running around!” He was laughing heartily now, a glint of mischief in his eyes.  
“Well, let’s not get carried away...”  
“You’re a natural, Jess. You were made to be a mama. Look at how great Judy’s turning out!”  
“I’d like to see you still be as enthusiastic about having so many babies if you were the one having to push them out of your hoo-haa, Nick!”

  
He lets out a rich, deep chuckle that reverberates as it leaves his throat and it makes Jess’s smile span further across her face.

  
Maybe a clan of children half her and half him wasn’t a bad idea after all. She lets her mind fleetingly wander to thoughts of family outings at the beach where she sits on a tartan blanket under a giant umbrella guarding the mammoth picnic inside the wicker hamper they bought with them. The kids would be further down by sea with Nick, their laughter travelling on the breeze as they gang up on him and bury his legs in the sand despite his protests.

  
“Excuse me, Ms Day?” The wedding coordinator’s voice pulls her back down to reality “I’m sorry to interrupt, I was just wondering if you’d had a moment to think about your decision?”

  
Jess turns and looks at Nick.

  
_Last chance to change your mind._

  
Nick simply smiles and nods.

  
“We have...” Jess smiles as she spins back to face the tall, blonde lady “...and, yes, please - we would be delighted to have the Miller-Day wedding here.”

  
“Wonderful!” The lady claps her hands together “If you’d like to follow me, there’s just a couple of forms to complete so we can finalise the booking.”  
“Of course.” Jess goes to step forward but Nick places a hand on her shoulder.  
“Hey, Jess, could you take Judy for a second? I need to tie my laces...” he smiles apologetically but Jess gladly holds her arms out to their little girl and presses her lips to the side of Judith’s head.  
“I’ll catch you up.” He offers and they head inside in front of him, down a long hallway. He fixes his lace quickly and jogs in after them, allowing himself a second to take in the sight of his wife-to-be and their first born (because he’s certain there will be more!) giggle their way towards the office where they will set the date for him and Jess to become husband and wife.

  
For the first time in his life, he feels enough. His heart stutters in his chest and Nick takes a deep breath.   
He feels totally and utterly complete as he watches Jess tickling Judith under the chin a few feet ahead of him.

  
His girls.

  
The other pieces of his soul that make him whole.


End file.
